dad:

On October 3rd last year, my dad had a massive heart attack that almost killed him.

It's been a little over 6 months, and my dad's health seems to be better than ever and he seems to be a lot happier. But lately I've been noticing that he's completely changed from who he used to be, growing up my dad never watched movies with us, never asked us about our love lives, never even went grocery shopping for himself. It's been almost exciting seeing this new dad do all these things he never did before. And yes, they may be minor things but it's really taking me by surprise.

Lately, I've had more conversations than I can count where my dad actually cares about something I'm interested in. Maybe its because the heart attack happened a day before my birthday? I really don't know, but I like it.
He asks me about bands, listens to anything that plays on my iTunes, and is a new found fan of Cold Play and Brand New. And anytime possible he pulls out his Vinyl collection and tells me all of these stories of the bands he saw, the bands he likes. And we've had more movie nights lately, than I've had my whole life with him. He's a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean, V for Vendetta, and any Adam Sandler movie. He's also really into the show Dexter. We bought the first season on dvd and we spent a night watching it together, with him giving me a play by play of what happens in each episode and telling me how "badass" the show is.

It's been a long journey this past year, but I'm excited to see what else is going to happen.

updated:

about 4 months and 3 tattoos later,
its mid april and i'm still in the same boat.

i'm not getting closer to my personal goals, but not falling behind either.
its like i'm stuck in play and i want to be in fast forward.
i want things to happen, i need them to. going back to school, getting better job, getting a better car, having a love life, again?

i havent been doing absolutely nothing, i've been doing quite a bit.
i've been writing again, drawing again, becoming re-aquainted with an old friend, and making new ones. i've also seen my favorite band play at a free music festival, that without a doubt made my year. but i've also made it hard for myself, my nerves take the best of me and make it almost impossible for me to approach people who interest me. "if you bore me than i'm comfortable, if you interest me i'm scared."

everything takes time, and somethings you can't force. so in due time i'll get what i want.

i guess im just longing to do something out of the ordinary, like get a job as a merch person for a band and tour the country all summer, or go on a road trip alone, or move away for a few months in solitude. something that isn't part of the "norm" for an 18 year old girl.

i need something new.


-s.

p.s. find me a new car? mine broke down again.