Steven Richard Alexander:

A day doesn't go by where I don't think about you.
I'm losing weight, losing sleep, and I'm scared out of my mind.
I know your stable, but is anything promised?
I can't lose you.
I'm sitting here crying because every song reminds me of you,
and I don't think you realize how much I care about you.
I miss seeing your face everyday.
I miss being able to make sure you're okay.
I don't have that luxury, but all I can do is sit here and pray that I can hear your voice tomorrow.
No one knows how much this really killed me.
Every second, a ticking time bomb.
Waiting for me to break.
And it's happening.

I just wish I knew we could make this end,
If I could I would shrink myself, sink through your skin to your blood cells,
remove whatever makes you hurt, but I am too weak to be your cure.
Make this all go away over night.
I owe you every day I wake, and I won't rest until I know your gonna be fine.

Dad,
Even though we have had the most strained relationship,
you are my heart and soul. And I can never lose you.

We're gonna make it.

<3

It's hard to say I care, when I don't:

I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself
So listen carefully to every word I say:
I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today.


You're so full of shit
I can't stand the way you act
I just can't comprehend it



One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great.

One of my favorite people ever:

Jess R. Levy.
You save me from breaking down in a hospital at 9 o'clock at night.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

Updates:

-I'm 18.
-I spent my birthday with my dad at Torrance Memorial Hospital,
Trying to make sure he gets better.
-I got a tattoo dedicated to my dad and mom.


I haven't celebrated my birthday yet,
But I have celebrated life, because He made it, and I'm so thankful.
I don't know if I could live without him.
I've been praying every night for him to get better.
And hopefully from here on out, he'll take better care of himself.

Taking it one step at a time.

And, I haven't seen my best friends in like 5 days.
Having withdrawals.


xoxo
-S.


P.S.
I tell myself, on the ride home
I'm getting tired, hating all I've known
I'm holding on, like it's all I have
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say
And you, find it hard to care

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me

CORRECTION: No longer thinking about that kid.

Webcam Photos:

Sitting in a hospital and my dad is still one of the happiest people I know. He's fighting this with full force.